Life as I see it

Ok here we go again… at some point I will learn to keep my mouth shut… but probably not anytime soon.

Utopia – A world where we did not need to worry about defending ourselves and go to sleep at night knowing that the bad guy did not have access to automatic weapons and there would be no violence.  We all believe the same, think the same, behave the same and we would all eat at the world restaurant taco bell – Oh wait that sounds like a movie… WAIT it is a movie – Demolition man.  Just FYI Watched that movie… did not end as well as they hoped

Reality (Disclaimer – this is going to piss off some people but that is just the way it is.  Sorry.) We live in a world that is violent.  There are violent movies (see the Demolition man reference), violent video games (Mortal Kombat, Grand Theft Auto to name a few), violent books (Hunger Games comes to mind), violent TV shows (the nightly news to name one), and finally violent people (refer back to the nightly news comment).

Demolition Man, which opened in 1993, has grossed in the life of the film (almost 30 years)

$58,055,768 TOTAL * 

 The Hunger Games book was made into a movie has grossed to date

Domestic: $408,010,692  +  Foreign:  $278,522,598 = Worldwide: $686,533,290 *

Demolition man is about a cop they bring back to catch a bad guy.  Simple enough, the good over evil thing and the good guy wins.

Hunger Games is about a world where they force children to KILL other children.  Golly sounds terrible and sad and it was the hottest movie of its day AND they now sell school supplies, t-shirts and party supplies with the imagery of Hunger Games in most stores.

Grand theft auto first-day sales were worth about $310 million globally and Mortal Kombat 9 has become the highest selling fighting game in 2011 with over 3 million in sales.

TV has too many shows to mention but to list a few.  Within the top 10 violent TV shows are Dexter, Sons of Anarchy, and The Shield.

All I am pointing out here is that there is a lot of violence in our day to day lives.  It is part of the society that we live in.  Another part of that society is the fact that not everyone follows the legal guidelines that the rest of us do.  They obtain guns and drugs illegally and really don’t care if the rest of the world approves because the only thing that matters is what they want.  We have Cartels crossing our boarders trafficking guns, drugs and people.  At some point in the lives of all the people involved in the violence, was there not one person, one single person, to tell them it was wrong.

I have discussed this with other people of all walks of life and had one lady tell me this:  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and, I’ve realized we’re raising a generation of sociopaths. By never letting them feel any pain – we are raising them without empathy. Yes, we should do everything possible to make them feel loved and wanted, but we’ve swung the pendulum too far in the opposite direction. No disappointment, no failure…they don’t have to TRY for anything. Which absolutely does NOT prepare them for real life as adults. No failing grades…allowances paid regardless of whether or not chores are done. Small things, really, relatively speaking…but they add up to the larger problem. The world revolves around them, they are told they are brilliant and rewarded no matter what they do or don’t do, and they have no coping skills or concept that anyone else has feelings but themselves. They have no empathy for their fellow humans, no conscience, no concept of right and wrong, cause and effect, or consequences for their actions.”  She completely hit the nail on the head.

I mention all these movies, games and TV shows for a reason.  This is where our children are learning right from wrong.  I actually read a news article about 3 months ago that was reporting the shooting of one child (9) by another child (12).  When they were talking to the young man about what happened and told him his friend was dead and the child said “No all I have to do is restart the game, he’ll get up and play again”

Just the fact that one child thinks this way means we have gone too far.  People today don’t seem to realize there are life changing consequences to their actions.  The truly sad part is that they don’t seem to care

We are blaming guns and lack of religion as well as everything else that we can.  When do we start to accept the fact that we are to blame for allowing all of the things that I mentioned above to raise our kids?   All of those things are contributing to the lack of morals and common sense that is the people of today.  Notice I did not say kids, because it is not just kids.

I would like to say it is not too late.  I would like to say that we can stop the tidal wave of self centered, self gratifying, single minded behavior that is taking over the world as we know it.  I would like to say…

At this point I am not sure anymore.  When people remember and look forward to the stories of evil in this society, when those who have a famous name and face get a slap on the wrist only to go out after killing someone to make another million, when killers and drug dealers are making money by destroying others lives.  When the victim is forgotten or worse blamed for the steps they took that did not stop the crime that was committed against them,  That my friends is why I say I don’t know.

It is a scary violent world we live and an end to that violence seems to be nowhere in sight.

*(http://boxofficemojo.com/movies).

I have never participate in a Black Friday event nor do I have any desire to. I have friends and family that make it a sport. Planning in advance, getting the route from store to store all planned out. Knowing exactly what they are after. Standing in line till stores open or like one family member, jumping the gun and almost starting a riot. Freaking out security and having them follow you around the store cause you are now considered a “instigator”. That’s my niece… So proud lol.
Anyway it has never been my thing. Do I shop? Yes. From the comfort of my desk, with credit card, on line.
It just seems a bit nuts to me to see some people getting so crazy about the shopping. I am not even sure it is the items they are after as much as the fight to get them.
The stores and owners of the stores that have Black Friday sales are not happy with just Friday anymore. A lot of these places are opening up on Thursday night. It just seems sad to me that a day set aside for giving thanks for all that we have and family togetherness has become just another day of greed and want for so many. Just another day nothing special. Just another day to over cook, over eat and then shop/argue with strangers and beat someone else to the material items that we covet.
The holidays have sadly become nothing more then another day to spend money and make ourselves feel better because we have the latest and newest and… Best. All the while loosing out on the best. The quiet family time spent sitting around the Christmas tree passing out simple presents like a handmade Coke can and red yarn hat or a basket of home made treats.
Oh well I guess the Christmases of my childhood have been replaced by the bling and things of a material world.
Shania Twain put it best in her song
Ka Ching
“We live in a greedy little world–
that teaches every little boy and girl
To earn as much as they can possibly–
then turn around and
Spend it foolishly
We’ve created us a credit card mess
We spend the money that we don’t possess
Our religion is to go and blow it all
So it’s shoppin’ every Sunday at the mall

All we ever want is more
A lot more than we had before
So take me to the nearest store

Can you hear it ring
It makes you wanna sing
It’s such a beautiful thing–Ka-ching!
Lots of diamond rings
The happiness it brings
You’ll live like a king
With lots of money and things”

Something happened today and I am sure some people who read will feel the need to message me or comment, some will be nice and some maybe not so much.

So I am looking at Face book… I know that itself is evil sometimes, but anyway I am looking around and I see this post about the fact that one of our local schools is having a “transgender” day.  My first reaction is good for them.  Then I start reading the post and there are a lot of negative comments about it.  So I post and say that maybe they are trying to teach tolerance.  Long story short the school is not having a transgender day but a gender bender day as part of spirit week.  They also have pajama day and hat day and GI Joe day.  My school did it, but we called it opposite day, so I say no big deal.

That is not the part I want to discuss.  I want to discuss the reactions of people. Not on Face book so much but in conversations I had later. Mind you these are 6^th, 7^th and 8^th graders.

I heard, when I brought it up and suggested that the school might be thinking about using it to teach tolerance, was

“Those kids are too young to be exposed to that”.

“That’s just sick what are these people thinking”.

“If I wanted my kids to learn about freaks I would take them to the circus”.

“My kids are taught tolerance but they should not have this crap shoved down their throats”.

To all of this I am thinking…Really?   Because I am not seeing the lessons you are teaching about tolerance in the words you just threw at me.

Does anyone really know what Tolerance means anymore?

Definition of TOLERANCE

Sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one’s own

Does this mean you join in the parade and dance like your pants are on fire? No it means that you indulge them.  It does not hurt you.  It does not change who you are.  If it is that hard then walk away.  You are not being asked to join.  You’re just being asked to live and let live.

All that I am suggesting is that there is not a lot of tolerance being taught at home these days because naturally parents want their kids to believe like they do. That is not tolerance and in some cases that is just breeding hate.  No offence but if we were really teaching it at home would there be 4^th graders beating each other up because someone is a little different.  Would there be kids committing suicide in grade school and junior high all because of bullying and the outright hate they feel for being different.

I am not saying let’s start a program in school to teach anything; what I am saying is that the people who take offence to this and think… “By God not with my kids”….  Those people are really not teaching tolerance by the definition above.

Kids learn by example and honestly I watch people and I see things people do without thinking and the example could be better.  The first step is education and understanding.  The knowledge that just because someone is different in race, education, sexual orientation, dress, religious beliefs or anything  for that matter does not make them the enemy and they are not trying to convert you, change you or alter your believes.  It just means they are different.  If they offend you… look away. Walk away, drive away.  But at least take a minute to learn a little.  Different is not bad.  Different is just new. New is scary.

No one wants to be scared.  But when we were little and learning to ride a bike we were scared.  But once we learned how to Balance and Adjust ourselves there was no more fear.  This is the same thing.  We all have to find the balance within ourselves and adjust our outlook with a little knowledge.  Then maybe our kids will grow up and not take their lives or someone else’s because of fear.  Let’s not condemn our kids to a life of hate and fear.

I’m setting here on the 13 of October and not really doing much but looking at Face book and thinking. Not so much about face book but about my friends list. No not deleting anyone just looking and thinking. About who I was and what I wanted verses who I am and what I have.

Its funny I remember friends I thought I would always be super tight with. We were going to move to a big city (I think it was LA or New York both of which are COMPLETELY off my list of places to live now). We would be right next door to each other. Start a business and have amazing lives. That person I hardly ever talk to anymore. I think we share jokes once in a great while.

I think about the dreams I had of what I would do with my life. I wanted to be veterinarian, or a world renowned journalist, a photographer for National Geographic. So many things my young heart wanted. For some, those dreams from youth come true. There is never any other choice. That is who they are, who they will always be and all that they ever wanted.

I have come to find out that there is more to me then my childhood dreams. My friends I miss. I wish we were closer. I wish I had not lost touch. I wish…

But with life comes change and because of things that have transpired in my life, I am extremely adaptable.

Friends I have quite a few now that I could not begin to even think about being without.

A job I never imagined I would have. Is it glamorous? No but it is a great job in a time when good jobs are hard to come by.

Do I live in a mansion on the hill? I live in my mansion on the hill. It is not new and it needs work, but its mine.

I have an amazing hobby that has allowed me to meet some of the most wonderful people on the planet.  I live in a town that is filled with amazing people.

Probably most important, to me anyway, I have a love that most people dream of.  I married my best friend.  Side by side we face everything this big old world has to throw at us, and trust me lately she has had a pretty big bucket of things to throw.

Am I sad for forgotten dreams and missed opportunities. No I am grateful for the things that have made me strong and given me a life I can be proud of. To many people dwell in what could have been and don’t see what is.

Personally I say we take today for all she has to give. Live, laugh and love like crazy with every beat of our heart. That is the best dream to follow.

Finally after months of high temperatures the long awaited cool down  is finally ere.  There may be a few more days of  heat but we are heading into fall.  Now like most places across the country fall is a busy busy time in our area.

As always there are so many fun events happening.   We have events all year long here in the desert but Fall.. that is when things ramp up. Each year it seems there is more to do not just for the little kids but the big kids too.  It seems that the entire town comes together and enjoys the cooler temperatures that we have been waiting on all year. Some of these events are meant for nothing but fun, others slip a little learning in to all that fun.  From Church events like Fall -a -Palooza, and Pumpkin Patch to Main street programs and Fire safety festivals not to mention the parades and Biker Food Drives and as always the famous Christmas on the Pecos.  The list of actives is impressive.  Desert dwellers real get active during the fall.  Considering we have been waiting all year for these few short months to Party.

But every year about this time for the last few years my mind and i am sure many others  turns to the fact that there are a lot of people on the roads and streets.  Lots of children running around…being kids.  Remember that.. being a kid in the fall in the desert.  Crazing running around, playing in the few piles of leaves in any yard possible.  Come on you all remember how we all got a little crazier when the temperatures dipped but before it got to cold.  Well I remember.  I also remember how mom would say ” you kids be extra careful”  cause that was going to happen.  Fortunately the little town I  grew up in knew we were going crazy.  I mean the holidays were close and kids are kids right.

With that in mind we as the grownups need to be more watchful.  Does not matter if you’re walking or driving, have a dozen kids or none at all, this is a fun time for those kids and remember they are just kids.   We need to make sure that they have a life time of fall fun, laughter and memories to carry with them.  So when we have our adult Fall fun… keep in mind that we are the only ones who can protect them.

Be safe have a great time and be responsible so  everyone can have tomorrows filled with great fall memories.

It is that time of year again.  First day/week of school for most kids in our little corner of the world.  This is a good thing and a bad thing for everyone.
The excitement of summer is over, long days of playing at the beach, splashing in the water.  Sleep overs, summer camp, vacations, new friends and family BBQs. Water balloons and riding your bike until after dark.  Ice cream, popcicles and rootbeer floats.
For the kids it means back to the daily routine of school and homework.  Life is over for the next 9 months, or at least that is how most kids think. Excitement for the first week because the old friends are there and new teachers have come in.  Who do I have classes with and what sports can I play.  Then they settle in and it becomes routine.    For the parents it mean knowing where the kids are or at least where they are suppose to be.  It is the hussel of getting in to a daily plan of waking kids up, breakfast, bus or car drive, then the picking up and what are the kids doing after school until mom and dad get off work.
But there is a side that kids dont see of mom and dad.  There is the look of sadness as the kiddos leave for the first day.  The concern that the kids will make friends and wont be bullied.  That they have friends to share lunch with, that they like their teachers.  There is  alot of stress for mom and dad.  Sometimes simply because the baby is leaving the nest for the first time to grade school, junior high, high school or even senior year.  The stress never ends.
The one thing that kids need to remember is mom and dad are real delicate at this time of year.  Their hearts are ready to break becuse you are growing up.  Its hard for them to take.  So as the school year continues remember, let them help you with homework.  Tell them about your day, share with them your experiences.  They need to know you are ok.  That they made you a strong person who can handle any school issues.   Ease their hearts and burdens and let them live through you the excitement of the school year.  Its a nice gift to them to share who you have become.

Life changes everyday…things happen, stress creeps in, and in comtemplating all of this I have made a decision… I don’t want to talk about it, not politics, religious arguments, lifestyle arguments, or any other anything.  Life is  hard and stressful. Depending on your attitude.

My plan and new outlook is if it doesn’t make me laugh, smile or cry happy tears, I will just do like Scarlet O’Hara, I will worry about that tomorrow.

You have to look at things with the right outlook.  You can see the humor or you can see the stress/pain.  You can be a victim or you can sail through with a smile on your face. Choose to smile.  Choose to laugh. Choose to dance in the rain.  Is it hard you bet your butt it is, but if you can do this anything is possible. The hardest thing in the world to do is to laugh at trouble and smile at pain.

Always keep others in your thoughts and know that they may be fighting a battle you know nothing about.  Remember we are all on this earth for a short time… do your part to make it a good trip for you and everyone around you because the smile you share today could change a lifetime of pain.

Karma is a wonderful thing.  If you live with that in mind and do good to and for others karma comes back to visit in the most amazing ways. Be happy, be positive, live well.

Seems like we are being bombarded these days with one cause or another, one issue against another. One right against another. It seems like everyone is looking for a fight. I spent a long time angry and looking for a fight…little hint… it never ends well.

From the top government officials to those who want to get married. Everyone wants to fight and argue. Side A thinks the Side B should shut down their camp, while Side B thinks Side A needs to come into this century.

I get it I get it I do. Passion and commitment. Truth and Virtue. Right and wrong. According to whom? If everyone is so right about their passion and their beliefs are the only way to make a better world… why are we where we are. In Debt, scared of our neighbors, struggling to make it through the day with money, our lives and our freedoms. When did the personal agenda become best for the greater good.

I have my beliefs and opinions but they are mine and I will not force those on anyone else. I will share and if we disagree… we disagree. The world will not end.. the sky will not fall and as unbelievable as it is the sun will come up tomorrow and the world will go on.

Should we get specific?  Ok lets start at the top. The presidential race. When did the highest office in America become about the persons Tax returns and how much was spend on a blouse. Really? I thought the entire job was what was best for the country. Not bowing to other countries leaders, literally or repeatedly showing the America people how stupid and ignorant you think they are. At what point is the actual race about the issues in America and not slinging Mud and making ones self look good. But that leads right into another subject. And this year it seems to be: Gay Marriage.

Marriage Equality. I have no issue with same sex marriage. They want to commit let them commit. It does not effect my marriage and if a higher power thinks it is wrong. Said high power can deal with it when the time comes. People don’t know what real love is any more. For most it is expendable. Get married have a fight get divorced I know gay and straight people who change relationships quicker then I change hair color. ( which is a lot every 8 weeks or so just for the record) . I also know gay people who have been in a committed relationship for as long as I have been married and longer ( 21 years by the way). And this topic leads right into another: Boycotting.

Boycotting ANYTHING or ANYONE for ANYREASON. When did someone’s personal beliefs become ammunition for a full on media battle for … HEAD LINES. Come on. For hundreds and thousands of years people have disagreed. But seriously I think this one has gone too far. It is a CHICKEN RESTURANT. They do not make national policy. They do not influence those who do. They are a chicken place from the south with southern beliefs. I understand standing up for ones rights and I believe they should have the right to marry, but I also believe that Chick-Fil-A has a right to stand up for what they believe in and personally I like their chicken and will cross the picket lines to get it. Will I have friends in those lines …probably. Friends whom I support in their wants to get married. But I will not join in this fight because in my opinion it is not about anything more than making noise and will accomplish NOTHING.

All of these things just seem to be a distraction from the what will ultimately destroy or finish destroying this country. Suddenly America is all about being popular and not about doing what’s right. Doesn’t matter if it’s right as long as the head cheerleader is impressed. Little did I know at 16 that the world would soon put me right back in the Mingus Union High School Cafeteria. It’s ok I never wanted to sit at the popular kids table any way.

I am not sure what the purpose of this generic rambling was… I forget… there was a purpose I am sure of it. I guess I am just saddened by things and the direction people and this country are going. I look at who we were and who we are not and … I don’t know maybe I am just hoping the Mayans are right because I don’t know if we can come back from this all this Hate and crap that is going on right now.

I swear it was just yesterday and I was in the jeep driving down Oak Creek Canyon in the middle of the night with no lights, chasing my brothers and laughing with the man of my dreams beside me, asking me if we should pass them or tailgate them into going faster,  just so you know we chose tailgating to increase their speed.  Oh don’t get me wrong I am still with the man of my dreams and we still laugh all the time… but now its 20 years later and how the heck did that happen?

At 20 there was a want for fortune and some amount of fame, because at 20 the thought of 40 was old and to me when you hit 40 you didn’t have a life.  You just stayed home and watched 60 minutes.  Talked with what friends you had left about what the kids were doing, drank coffee and went to bed early.  Little did I know?  But that is 20 for ya.

Life has a funny way of throwing you curve balls.  Never did I think at 20 that I would be where I am, doing what I am doing, having lived the adventure I have.  I would not trade a minute.  All that has happened has helped to create this crazy/beautiful life.  As for slowing down YEAH right.  Now that I am old enough to think past ME and my little world, there is so much to do.  So many things that could make use of my ever growing abilities, so many people to help.   Oh and let’s not forget hobbies.  What used to be run around and get stupid with my friends has become run around and get stupid with my husband (that guy, the man of my dreams, you remember, yeah we still get stupid together) and if that is not enough we are taking photos of it all. 

That small world when I was 20 (mostly revolved around me… I was 20 give me a break) has blossomed into new experiences and eye opening wonder around every corner.  We are constantly finding a dirt road and leaving the asphalt and every time I am amazed at what I see. 

20 was great… I was newly in love and seeing things for the first time, but I would not trade 40.  Still crazy in love and still seeing new places, trying new things, and meeting new people, but the best part of 40 is revisiting some of those old  places, doing some of those old things and revisiting those people that  for the last 20 years were part of who I have become and are still pretty amazing. 

It seems like so many people, once they get past their “wild youth” just hunker down and get through day to day.  The only fun they have is the occasional get together where there is too much alcohol and not enough common sense, in my opinion.  I think we all just need to take a minute and remember the freedom of running through a sprinkler and the wonder of a sunset holding the hand of the one you love.

The bills will get paid, they always do.  The laundry will get done, it time for shorts and tank tops anyway.  Dinner, forget the kitchen roast a hotdog over a campfire, holding your children close.  Tell stories and laugh… we all need to laugh and dishes; oh the dishes will get done later.  Kids need to see that mom and dad can still have fun.  We could all use a little fun, wonder and amazement. 

So the next time you’re driving down the highway, kids in the car, with a destination in mind, chances are you are going to come across a dirt road that goes left  or right,  as the man of my dreams says “take it and see where the gravel takes you”.

Just when you think that you  have the younger generations figured out, they go and do something totally unpredictable.

I am 41 and I have a “hobby” that gets me around town a lot.  So I see a lot of things and on any normal day I see the youth of today and just shake my head.  I think “did I do that, look like that, or act like that?  Now mind you I have nothing against kids and when I say kids I mean anyone under 25.  I am older now it is what it is …its OK you will get there too.  Their dress, Oh those baggy pants.  Their mannerism, gangsta and text talk really?  Then there is the general “I hate the world attitude”  OK that one I understand.

But the younger generation has an amazing ability to step right out into the light and surprise even the most cynical of us.  Best example that I can think of happened at Walmart.  My husband is an old grouch, love you honey but its true, and in a wheelchair.  When we go to Walmart he puts grouch on full force before we leave the house.  So there we are shopping and all I want to do is get done and get out.  I walk away to grab something and hubby decides he wants something that is 2 inches out of reach.  Mind you there is a group of teenagers, dressed in baggy black pants and skull tee-shirts with long hair and piercings of skulls and daggers and … you get the idea.  As I walk past I am thinking OH lord i can hear my husbands comments now.  So I hurry away to get back and find my husband surrounded by these kids.  They have not only gotten off the shelf what he was wanting but were sharing with him their piercings and my husband, the old grouch remember, says “Oh Yeah check this out” and shows them his gallbladder scar.  To which he receives “Oh COOL Dude.  They coulda put a piercing right there they already had a hole made.”

So I stand there out of sight while these “kids” and my husband carry on the most interesting conversation about piercings, tattoos, motorcycles, cars and life in general.  There I am leaning against the display of Mayo smiling like a mad woman while others shoppers walk past and look at me like I have lost my mind.  I didn’t have the heart to break up the fun.  Finally when the conversation turned to me and where was I, I walked back down the isle.  I was greeted with “Hello Mrs Porter.” and “Its nice to meet you Mrs Porter.” and “Mr Porter was just telling us about your hobby and it sounds amazing.” which of course started another conversation with all of us.

This was just one of the many wonderful surprise experiences we have had with young people.  They amaze us every time. There is no real moral or eye opening epiphany to this little tidbit.  But when your out there in the world don’t write off the younger crowd.  Just because you don’t understand their dress or manners.  There’s a lot of good kids out there and sometimes they just need you to look past the nose ring.